Ocean 12

Incapacitated without a CPU? Not yet. But yes, come the school term.

Watched Ocean 12 yesterday. Plot : Some think there's none but I would rather term it as abstract. But the phrase that kept running through my mind was : "George Clooney & Brad Pitt looked soooooo good together.

Roller Coaster

My 'heart' is like the cart on the roller-coaster... going up n down n up n down n up n down n up n down n up n down n up n down... But the surounding track tend to be shaped downward. These are the times when I dislike roller-coaster rides.

Landmark

My life is in a mess. My thoughts are in a mess. I need a mental, emotional and physical revamp.

Really, I need to be aiming for Breakthroughs. It's not just about knowing what I already know, not about knowing what I know I don't know... IT's about knowing what I didn't know I didn't know. Confusing?

I have to create possibilities for myself, find out what is missing and make it present to make a difference in my life.

I shalt not be judgemental. I shalt not let the 'small voice' within me influence me negatively. I shall be open-minded (not to act open-minded but BE open-minded).

I have to make a choice. The choice often lies with one as to whether one would be happy. I would think that one would be happy when his wants materialize... and often the key to making it happen lies in one's hands... one has to choose to do it.

I should learn to put my PAST into my past folder and look ahead. The FUTURE should hold nothing for me for it may lead to me forming obstacles for myself. No judgements, no fear of past mistakes, no negative expectations. Things have happened...it's a fact. Should I allow those terrible incidences sink me? I should only keep those valuable memories and discard the negating ones. My PRESENT should be my future expectations, i.e. what possibilities I want to create for myself.

That's why I'm going to the States and signed up for the thing alone. I'm not gonna think about how I'm gonna survive there without any accompanying friends.. it'll only create unfounded fears. I'll create the possibility of making new friends. Create the possibilities having positive incidences and a wonderful time there. Some would ask : "how would this thing benefit you? dun tell me u're not independent?" Well, I am independent, many would say they are... but being independent different is from acting independent. Even if people may not see the difference but at least (I hope) I'll feel the difference in me and be authentic with myself.

FUTURE is to BE.
PRESENT is to DO.
PAST is to HAVE.

As Winston Churchill has said : "Success is overcoming failure and failure with enthusiasm".

If I'm gonna give up on myself, no one else can help me. Loved ones and kind souls may give me encouragement but at the end of the day, it's all about whether I'm willing to open my mind be receptive to their warm words and digest them well.

I'm really quite convinced of the power of the sub-conscious mind and one's will. When I told myself that I had to pass my driving test the first time round as I was undertaking the test, I did. Those words did soothe my nerves as I cleared the first obstacle.

Having said all these, it's not easy to fulfil them. To deploy them with ease, I need practice. Even the experts in these fields have had to practice.

Resume Woes

Ahhhhhh! I'm so careless! Submitted a resume to Citigroup but instead of refering the company as Citigroup, I put Citibank. And that realization juz unfolded juz seconds after I submitted the resume!!! Hope I won't be penalised for that. *pray hard*

This is one case. Had submitted a resume to P&G before this. Thought I was in time.. submitted a day before the deadline. But guess what... they sent me an assessment to be completed like 10-20 min after my submission; hence, I didn't realise it's existence till I opened my mail after the deadline. Completed the assessment and sent it back but I dunno if they'll accept it.

Practice

I MUST PRACTICE little by little everyday... but it's quite hard. I can't possibly change within a day, I've got my mind shaped over the years, I have my propensities. But as he said, we need to practice. I've gotta put those that HAVE happened into my PAST file, and my FUTURE has to have NOTHING.

What am I talking about? Shalt elaborate when the time permits. Have to work on my FYP and do my resume. Not gonna let their requirements (having excellent academic results) for the position put me off... as long as there is a possibility, I won't give it a miss. Missing it = no chance. At least I can assure myself that I tried. :)

Culminating

The pressure's culminating, the heat's rising and I'm getting freaked. Most of the accountancy students in sch have been recruited by one of those big brands... and I've only sent TWO resumes so far. Am not even sure if the second one got through coz' I sent in the assessment part late. Scoured a few job recruitment ads by those biggies but to my dismal, most of them wanted THE honours. And the news had to recently report that the employment level in the coming year would FALL. :(

My results will be released this Friday.. 17th December. Am WORRIED. Can't face another setback especially when there are so many smarties these days or at least, they're insured with the honours. Heard that's how the HR seive ppl out of tonnes of applications... it all points towards the results, results, results... It'll be pleasantly sweet if some HR dept would add a twist to the norm.

Wish me luck for my results coming this Friday!

Clover 

December 11 2004

Wow.. more than a week has passed since my last entry. What have I been doing? Mainly preoccupied with FYP.. again. Went back to NY twice for alumni prac... saw same old amiable Mr Lee again :) but the feeling was kinda different with the shift in demographics of the band... some of them are disrespectful.. conversing so loudly to the person behind/in front while Mr Lee was conducting.

Went to town with Chuhui, Liangyu, Jiayan and Shuli yesteday with 2 agendas : one's to watch Steph perform in front of Paragon and the other to buy b'day gifts. Steph cheorographed the dance and did the dance too... she definitely improved.. You Go Girl! *whistle whistle* The group before them did break dance / hip hop. One of the girls really worked her abs well.. could see the muscles.. *envious* Wanted to learn hip hop but I think I'm past that age.. should probably learn ballroom dancing to prepare myself for social ocassions in future.. haha. :p

Oh yeah.. and I my fave SGI contestant, Oli at Heeren yesterday. She looks prettier and slimmer off-screen and she dressed like a star. Her complexion's really good.. fair and delicate.. and Chuhui claimed that it would be nice to pinch her chubby cheeks. But she's really not bad looking.. she has that 'seh'.

December 1 2004

It's the Dec 02 now... almost time to say adieu to 2004 n welcome 2005! Not so excited to welcome 2005 though. Wanna stay in my comfort zone... stranded in the hols... but time is curt... the clock hand just can't stop ticking away.

Met up with Ling and Min for lunch, yesterday, at Jack's Place.. the one MTLV went at least a couple of times (but it's a waste that JH couldn't join us.. dunno why but I just dun use Jia / Hui to address Jiahui... prob it's coz' I've been calling her Jiahui and typing her name as JH or Jiahui since Sec 1... it's not hard to change this.. it's just weird).

After lunch, accompanied Ling to NUS. I must say that the Arts canteen really has a good variety of food for a school canteen. NTU's quite lousy.. esp the one near my fac... I'll usually patronize the Vegetarian stall but the past sem's mainly 'pau' and tea for lunch all thnks to projects n packed canteens. The next destination was Ling's house till around 9pm.

The word to describe my time spent yesterday is "cozy" which is good. And Ling ah... you do look great.. dun doubt urself and dun doubt ME! :)